Neurodivergence + The Cost of Masking

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This weekend, I've been compiling a dedicated page of practices, articles, and other resources for neurodivergent folks (like the page we have for depression, which you can feel free to forward to anyone who might benefit).

At the same time (because ADHD!) I'm putting together a new Substack on Masking: what it is, why it's so important, and how it affects us.

Today, I share with you the theme from the Substack-in-progress in this email.

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Many of us belong to the "lost generation" of neurodivergent adults: the ones who grew up in (or in and out of) school systems, workplaces, and social circles where autism and ADHD were never discussed, let alone diagnosed.

Masking has a dual function: to hide our true selves and to make us appear similar to others.

Neurodivergent folks mask when we take on a set of behaviors that conceals our otherness: our quirks of thought, tendencies like the avoidance of eye contact, sensory and emotional experiences and needs, differently-shaped or inclined bodies, gender expression, even the uniqueness of our ideas. The camoflouge of our true selves is the mask's inward-facing function.

We also mask to gain a modicum of acceptance in our social surroundings. Neurodivergent folks who mask have a remarkable ability to to study and emulate the way others move, talk, and interact. We often practice the "right" facial expressions, or prepare for entire conversations before we have them.

We do this not just to fit in but to ensure our safety.

Most of us don't know we're masking. We've done it from such a young age that it's part of the warp and weft of who we are.

Masking is more common among girls and women who face expectations to behave in classically (and performatively) feminine ways.

As you might guess, BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color) and gender-non-conforming folks are also high maskers, and face the added social pressures of white supremacy and queer- and transphobia. Many adopt strategies like code switching, an altering of language, behavior, affect, and presentation to better match dominant cultural norms.

Neurodivergent BIPOC and trans people bear the compounded weight of code-switching and masking at the same time.

Masking exacts a high cost. It leads to anxiety, depression, burnout, and frequent dissociation.

Learning how we mask and why we do it is the first step.

The next steps? Navigating a process of unmasking when it's safe. Practicing self-love. And building a community that accepts us as we are.

I'm sending tender care to your innermost self on this hot and humid Sunday.

​In the meantime, keep an eye out for the full article in the coming weeks, depending on what makes it out the door first.